Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
