we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
i've created a new STD.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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