1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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