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• (740): View more from Ohio

  I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..

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• (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...

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• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together

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• (253): View more from Washington

  You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.

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• (310): View more from California

  They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?

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