I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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