I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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