he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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