it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
