did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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