I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
