Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
