now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
