She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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