I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
