Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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