Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so explain again why im purple
no
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
