on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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