My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
