I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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