They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
