I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
