It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So here I am, sexting at work.
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