no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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