He had one of those small greek statue penises
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
