it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
