dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Randomize
