I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
