He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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