So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
