It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
