He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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