Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
