She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
