I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
