At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
