If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
