singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
