omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
