Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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