I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
