please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
