I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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