Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
