Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
