Quick, to the slutcave!
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
