Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
