Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
