She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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