i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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