If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
