I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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