yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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