I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
