Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
